So, I haven't managed to do a food diary yet. Obviously. Blech. I really should. I just keep feeling like I have to report a good, sane, healthy day, or not report at all. Unhelpful thinking, there.
What I am having trouble with lately:
- figuring out hungry
. I feel like I was doing better at this and now am having more trouble. I seem to have started identifying hungry
as "stomach is only 90% full" and full
as "stomach is stuffed to 125%+ of comfortable capacity." And it seems to take me way too long to sense if I'm full.
- keeping eating appointments instead of grazing randomly. This is another place where I feel like I'm having so much more trouble. I just start to panic at the end of a meal when all the food is gone. I worry that I "can't" wait until the next appointment. I don't know what I think is going to happen, but I don't want it to happen.
- black-and-white thinking
- good food/bad food dichotomies, which make me want to hurry up and eat all the bad food so I can start being "good"
What I am doing well with lately:
- trying to eat when hungry and stop when full, even if I get it wrong
- questioning the emotions that drive my anxiety around food, even if I end up soothing them with food
- questioning whether I really want to eat that particular food or just "something," even if I end up eating just for the sake of eating
- not checking diet/food websites as much, especially at work
- eating the amount I want of something and then stopping, especially when it's a "weird" amount like half a single serving bag
- not grocery shopping for fun/stress relief
- checking my blood sugar and giving myself the right amounts of insulin
- walking regularly
Also I have an appointment with my therapist, whom I have been avoiding for months, in a couple weeks. So there's that.
"The degree of my self-preoccupation is appalling." - Allen Shawn, Wish I Could Be There: Notes From a Phobic Life
As the kids say, GPOY.